I didn't make it to the world premiere of Holding the man (2015) last Sunday in Sydney State Theater. But many friends went and spoke highly of. I did a quick check online and found out how influential the book has been ,basically the gay bible for Australian LGBT groups. Published in 1994, this auto-biography of Timothy Conigrave has shocked the whole Australia by its pure and real narration on homosexual love and also the description period in 1980s when HIV stroke Australia. And the play, adapted by Tommy Murphy in 2005, was also a legend in Australian theatre history, totally crash of ticket box wherever it toured. Not only has the play been on in almost every major cities in Australia and adapted by multiple theater companies such as Belvoir and Australia theater company, it also has made to London and LA for world tour. The legend continues for almost ten years and finally in 2014, director decided to adapt this story to big screen. While Tommy Murphy got rehired as screenplay writer and two hot popular Australian actors as lead, this movie has definitely become the most expected movie of the year. Audiences may get a bit worried due to the hyper successful play as a comparison. As a story about intimacy and delicate emotions, it could be much more easily demonstrated on a single stage with touching and smart dialogues. Fancy cinematographic work or extra mise-en scene could serve as minor importance in story-telling itself. But still, there are definitely more space to develop this romance in film.
It is the autobiography at first place that attracted most, with the real story of Timothy and his 15-year partners John holding hand together through bitter-sweet first love, sex, fights, disease and finally death.
I'm such kind of person who just cannot hold back my curiosity on such literary works. After searching online without finding new books to sell or ebook to download, I went down to the uni library and borrowed the only copy of Murphy's play. While unfortunately there was still no Timothy's work, it's worth reading the play first to see how he carried out this life-long story in a two-act play.
It didn't take me long to read, maybe 2 hours or so. But I was sort of blushed inbetween sometimes, imagining the actors talking so bluntly at stage, about the expression of love and sex. Murphy ingeniously separate the two acts with scenes of love and sorrow, making audiences smile or unable to stop laughing for some of humors at first but incredibly sad and may even cry out loud during the second set. Handful of casts but every role is just en-punto.
The very thing that touched me in this play is that the whole storyline and every details of love and conflicts are so real, which could happening any place or just next-door, but people just failed to notice how normal LGBT group is or how fragile true love is, as any types of groups or love. But all we could think about is "weird" "sissy""always fighting for marriage""unhealty life styles" or "HIV positive " and so on.
Three scenes in the play has left me strong impression.
The first one lie in the beginning when Tim wrote John the letter after their first date, talking about the erection he had and masturbation afterwords with the worry about the expression on sex could be so rush for a new couple. The monologue felt so bold yet cute when actually spoken out from a 16-year old schoolboy. While john is the one who actually read the letter with Tim adding up some of his feeling on the side, the audiences could definitely feel the chemistry and the beautiful blump in-between.
The second could be when Tim, in his puberty and freshly new in college, went throughout all these temptation in gay bar and gay peers. He gradually accepted the "non-monogamy or open relationship" theory and decided to separate with John for a while. He alleged that they are both "sexual inexperienced" due to long relationship with purely each other . I believe that most of the audiences and readers will feel the stupidity and ignorance of Tim to trying to sabotage this wonderful relationship and affection(which has been built up throughout the previous scenes). This can be a turning point of the play and indicated the heartbreaking ending, especially when Tim regretted to have infected AIDS to John and cried in front her mom for redemption. But ultimately it shocks me by putting out straightly and ruthlessly how fragile love could be when facing temptations and fresh inspirations.
My finally emotional outcry goes to a simple gesture or move instead a complete scene. Though I have to admit that the whole "finding out HIV positive" scenes is torturing and heartbreaking. The simple gesture that Tim "lifts up John's shirt with his mouth and snaked his head underneath it" when they lay on bed after the news and couldn't go to sleep. With too many briliant dialogues and plots in this play, this move had just crushed all the doubts and sadness about their relationship, leaving the ultimate intimacy and trust and treasure of each other. When that scene is supposed to be haunted with endless sorrow from on and off stage, this move has made us recall the beauty of love and support. Since in the play, the bed was hanging vertical above stage (audiences actually standing while leaning on the bed) , making audience have every move in sight. What's more, the design stage is lovely with the dim and lovely light around the bed on the dark and only some photos of their life together seen from behind. I can barely think of any better innovation in the film to surpass this scene.
Though over three theaters around Australia has their versions and actors for this play, I still adore the first pair in Belvoir Sydney, Guy Edmond and Matt Zeremes just got this absolute chemistry and original innocence on those two characters, though the Brisbane version got much handsome ones.
Anyway, looking forward to this film in August. I couldn't help but respecting Tommy Murphy as such a young successful playwright, hoping he could have more work on big screen as well.
关于原著： 原著的前半部分很像青春小说，生动、精彩又理想化；原著的中后部非常回忆录，全面的纪实，所以有些乏味而冗长，人物形象（主要是Tim）因为负面内容而全面、真实却不讨人喜欢。书写到最后的时候，想必Tim本人已经进入身体机能衰退的晚期了，文学性较差，字里行间透露着“再写出一些关于John生前的事情吧”这样的想法。Tim最让我难以接受的是，他从来没有因此对曾经放浪形骸的生活进行过反思。即使在得知是自己传染的John以后，依然会要和其他年轻美好的肉体发生关系，死性不改。书中的John是完美的，而Tim是有弱点的，这正是由于Tim对John深深的爱恋和对读者的诚恳。前半部分很像小说《Call Me by Your Name》但是略比后者不足，然而这是全书最精彩最令人回味的部分了。
关于幕后： Holding the Man原著和舞台剧在澳洲都是家喻户晓的，所以导演编剧的很多安排都是为了了解这个故事的观众考虑的。幕后访谈中，Ryan落落大方，Craig居然激进机智又幽默，和John的性格完全不同。而导演和编剧却是没什么野心，一板一眼。难怪这么好一个故事，各种问题都是一带而过，仿佛刻意弱化了矛盾冲突。
艺术以外： 原著描写Tim进入Monash大学Gaysoc协会的部分，我正好是在Monash Queer Lounge看的，和我在现实中经历过的情形相似到令我起了一身鸡皮疙瘩。看到结尾的时候，图书馆马上就要关门，我跳过了一些最后的治疗过程，对Tim和Bob的争执也是兴味索然。看完写给John的最后一封信，图书馆里已经只剩工作人员和我了。迅速收拾好东西，一边走一边回味着Tim和John的相识相恋以及最后的分离，想到他们曾经都是脚下这片土地上生活过也消逝了的生命，忍不住眼泪濡湿了眼眶。有个男同学看到我的神情，有些惊讶，犹豫着问道“You all right mate？”，然而我却太尴尬不能回答，只能速速地离去……
I, take you, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.
运动场上矫健奔跑的身影，变得像行将就木的小老头一样羸弱不堪，极多的反差让人一点点开始难过。
前半部分看的我又气又想笑，长发时期两个男主颜值被封印的死死，但是磕糖磕的很欢乐，双向奔赴的爱恋永不过时，虽然每次火花四溅的时候都有修罗场来打断这点让人有点抓狂。
老师没收信件，朋友撞破两人的缠绵(这里朋友们一起裸奔的情节设计真的好有爱，还有那个口嫌体正直的朋友，有被笑到)，爸爸发现两人的关系，第一次因为家人回来被迫终止，过山车一样起起伏伏。没成想笑着笑着就变的好悲，合理却不想接受。
得知自己正在亲手杀死自己最爱的人是什么感觉，天塌地陷莫过于此。
风流肆意，纵欲堕落终被反噬，短暂的欢愉却要用最爱的人填命，背着一个那么好的人偷腥，同情男主的同时又狠狠觉得他活该，可怜之人必有可恨之处。那么好的约翰，生命最后连高兴的权利都被剥夺，每一次开怀都要被疼痛折磨。
结尾前后呼应，两个人高中时期的故事差点让我忘了开头那一段慌乱，镜花水月一般，美好的事物被一一吞没。n
他不怨我，他咬牙忍受着被手术刀插进肺部，结束后只是对我眨了下眼睛：你瞧，不过如此而已。我望着他，想起我们认识了十五个年头的春夏，想起了他是我第一次爱的人，也是唯一的爱人。我就知道，即使我没有被病魔夺走生命，我也再不能安然度过我残喘的余生。于是当我费尽一切完成了剧本，完整记录了我们的所有关于爱的痕迹，我就明白，我终于可以抛下一切来另一个世界与你汇合了。
尽管我知道无论多久，你都会在那里等我，但是天堂虽美，我怕你孤独。
I didn't make it to the world premiere of Holding the man (2015) last Sunday in Sydney State Theater. But many friends went and spoke highly of. I did a quick check online and found out how influential the book has been ,basically the gay bible for Australian LGBT groups. Published in 1994, this auto-biography of Timothy Conigrave has shocked the whole Australia by its pure and real narration on homosexual love and also the description period in 1980s when HIV stroke Australia. And the play, adapted by Tommy Murphy in 2005, was also a legend in Australian theatre history, totally crash of ticket box wherever it toured. Not only has the play been on in almost every major cities in Australia and adapted by multiple theater companies such as Belvoir and Australia theater company, it also has made to London and LA for world tour. The legend continues for almost ten years and finally in 2014, director decided to adapt this story to big screen. While Tommy Murphy got rehired as screenplay writer and two hot popular Australian actors as lead, this movie has definitely become the most expected movie of the year. Audiences may get a bit worried due to the hyper successful play as a comparison. As a story about intimacy and delicate emotions, it could be much more easily demonstrated on a single stage with touching and smart dialogues. Fancy cinematographic work or extra mise-en scene could serve as minor importance in story-telling itself. But still, there are definitely more space to develop this romance in film.
It is the autobiography at first place that attracted most, with the real story of Timothy and his 15-year partners John holding hand together through bitter-sweet first love, sex, fights, disease and finally death.
I'm such kind of person who just cannot hold back my curiosity on such literary works. After searching online without finding new books to sell or ebook to download, I went down to the uni library and borrowed the only copy of Murphy's play. While unfortunately there was still no Timothy's work, it's worth reading the play first to see how he carried out this life-long story in a two-act play.
It didn't take me long to read, maybe 2 hours or so. But I was sort of blushed inbetween sometimes, imagining the actors talking so bluntly at stage, about the expression of love and sex. Murphy ingeniously separate the two acts with scenes of love and sorrow, making audiences smile or unable to stop laughing for some of humors at first but incredibly sad and may even cry out loud during the second set. Handful of casts but every role is just en-punto.
The very thing that touched me in this play is that the whole storyline and every details of love and conflicts are so real, which could happening any place or just next-door, but people just failed to notice how normal LGBT group is or how fragile true love is, as any types of groups or love. But all we could think about is "weird" "sissy""always fighting for marriage""unhealty life styles" or "HIV positive " and so on.
Three scenes in the play has left me strong impression.
The first one lie in the beginning when Tim wrote John the letter after their first date, talking about the erection he had and masturbation afterwords with the worry about the expression on sex could be so rush for a new couple. The monologue felt so bold yet cute when actually spoken out from a 16-year old schoolboy. While john is the one who actually read the letter with Tim adding up some of his feeling on the side, the audiences could definitely feel the chemistry and the beautiful blump in-between.
The second could be when Tim, in his puberty and freshly new in college, went throughout all these temptation in gay bar and gay peers. He gradually accepted the "non-monogamy or open relationship" theory and decided to separate with John for a while. He alleged that they are both "sexual inexperienced" due to long relationship with purely each other . I believe that most of the audiences and readers will feel the stupidity and ignorance of Tim to trying to sabotage this wonderful relationship and affection(which has been built up throughout the previous scenes). This can be a turning point of the play and indicated the heartbreaking ending, especially when Tim regretted to have infected AIDS to John and cried in front her mom for redemption. But ultimately it shocks me by putting out straightly and ruthlessly how fragile love could be when facing temptations and fresh inspirations.
My finally emotional outcry goes to a simple gesture or move instead a complete scene. Though I have to admit that the whole "finding out HIV positive" scenes is torturing and heartbreaking. The simple gesture that Tim "lifts up John's shirt with his mouth and snaked his head underneath it" when they lay on bed after the news and couldn't go to sleep. With too many briliant dialogues and plots in this play, this move had just crushed all the doubts and sadness about their relationship, leaving the ultimate intimacy and trust and treasure of each other. When that scene is supposed to be haunted with endless sorrow from on and off stage, this move has made us recall the beauty of love and support. Since in the play, the bed was hanging vertical above stage (audiences actually standing while leaning on the bed) , making audience have every move in sight. What's more, the design stage is lovely with the dim and lovely light around the bed on the dark and only some photos of their life together seen from behind. I can barely think of any better innovation in the film to surpass this scene.
Though over three theaters around Australia has their versions and actors for this play, I still adore the first pair in Belvoir Sydney, Guy Edmond and Matt Zeremes just got this absolute chemistry and original innocence on those two characters, though the Brisbane version got much handsome ones.
Anyway, looking forward to this film in August. I couldn't help but respecting Tommy Murphy as such a young successful playwright, hoping he could have more work on big screen as well.
原著的前半部分很像青春小说，生动、精彩又理想化；原著的中后部非常回忆录，全面的纪实，所以有些乏味而冗长，人物形象（主要是Tim）因为负面内容而全面、真实却不讨人喜欢。书写到最后的时候，想必Tim本人已经进入身体机能衰退的晚期了，文学性较差，字里行间透露着“再写出一些关于John生前的事情吧”这样的想法。Tim最让我难以接受的是，他从来没有因此对曾经放浪形骸的生活进行过反思。即使在得知是自己传染的John以后，依然会要和其他年轻美好的肉体发生关系，死性不改。书中的John是完美的，而Tim是有弱点的，这正是由于Tim对John深深的爱恋和对读者的诚恳。前半部分很像小说《Call Me by Your Name》但是略比后者不足，然而这是全书最精彩最令人回味的部分了。
关于电影：
电影做的最好的地方，一个是背景音乐BGM，一个是还原小说中John那修长的眼睫毛。电影对剧情的改动也比较自然。但是电影的不足也有很多，例如少年时期没能找15岁左右的小演员饰演Tim和John，导致看着两个大叔太出戏；例如时间顺序较乱，仅靠年份衔接，而人物的形象几乎没有变化；例如未能主次分明，最精彩的前半部分删减过多，草草了事，后半部分也照搬原著，完全没有主题深化或者深入探索，所有问题都是浅尝辄止。对于这样一部地域感非常强的电影，第一个场景是美丽的意大利街景，导演真是不懂观众的心思。
关于幕后：
Holding the Man原著和舞台剧在澳洲都是家喻户晓的，所以导演编剧的很多安排都是为了了解这个故事的观众考虑的。幕后访谈中，Ryan落落大方，Craig居然激进机智又幽默，和John的性格完全不同。而导演和编剧却是没什么野心，一板一眼。难怪这么好一个故事，各种问题都是一带而过，仿佛刻意弱化了矛盾冲突。
艺术以外：
原著描写Tim进入Monash大学Gaysoc协会的部分，我正好是在Monash Queer Lounge看的，和我在现实中经历过的情形相似到令我起了一身鸡皮疙瘩。看到结尾的时候，图书馆马上就要关门，我跳过了一些最后的治疗过程，对Tim和Bob的争执也是兴味索然。看完写给John的最后一封信，图书馆里已经只剩工作人员和我了。迅速收拾好东西，一边走一边回味着Tim和John的相识相恋以及最后的分离，想到他们曾经都是脚下这片土地上生活过也消逝了的生命，忍不住眼泪濡湿了眼眶。有个男同学看到我的神情，有些惊讶，犹豫着问道“You all right mate？”，然而我却太尴尬不能回答，只能速速地离去……
其实这是一个生活的故事，讲两个青梅竹马的男孩从从青春荷尔蒙的萌动，到性的尝试，共同面对朋友家庭及社会后走向自己的爱情与生活，悲欢离合后直至死亡亦是相伴，情投意合。
I, take you, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, and this is my solemn vow.
这誓言虽从未于教堂中朗声宣布，但其实每天都在与你实践与操作。中间的波折与不同的探索，伤痛后悔，哭过笑过，回首随风过。
不论疾病或健康，贫穷或富有，放浪或操守，身边总有那人说：莫慌，抱紧我。轻吻一触即渡尽劫波，起码尝过爱的滋味，亦算不曾白活。为你而经的是非功过、对错因果，都是吾之所得。
其实现在世界特别西方国家对于同志的接受对比过去已经上了很大的台阶了。平日在墨尔本/悉尼/伦敦等街道上，市场看到同志CP双手紧握的逛街玩乐幸福满满，对单身狗造成不可计数的伤害。愈发的接受也便显现他们的生活更加生活化，去神秘化/死板化。像电影中讲的Tim和John的故事，涵盖话题甚广，如 青梅竹马式的恋情，青年性的尝试，感情与朋友、家庭的关系、情感中不同性格的冲突、开放性关系（open relationship）的探索、HIV、责任等等等等。这些丰富的元素很多都包含在每一对同志或直人的生活经历中，所以才显得如此真实动人。人们相处的模式、面对的处境或困难都是类似的，可能同志会多些家庭社会对同志身份的压力，但这也日益减轻，在两人的情感世界中，这或许不只是阻力，也有可能是两人黏合在一起的动力与羁绊。所以考量/思考有同志元素的影片也好，真实恋情或生活也好，最好不要以一种死板的印象去标签化这一群体和任何个人或群体。
有人认为Tim中段的出去探索开放性关系是作，毁了本来美好来之不易的同志感情。但世事无常，谁又能预测如果Tim即使强行忍住了这冲动，压下自己当时的冲动，又是否能珍视与John的感情而走下去呢。对一个个性如Tim般的青年来讲，Open relationship的探索让他失去了自己的健康，间接的害了自己的爱人，但同时这出口也让他后来浪子回头，懂得真正感情的珍贵与自省的悔悟，并且经过这个探索释放了躁动后的他，最后也有了底气承担对爱人的责任。
人生是一个连续不断探索的过程。等到风景都看透，”也许“你会伴我看细水长流。这个“也许”确是强求不来的，尽人事而听天命，像John这样等回Tim成就爱情的固是幸运，但生活中更是有无数渣男女自是一去不复返，或许他们找到了真正适合自己心性的模式或人，或是自此沉沦放浪形骸。人都是极其倔强的，特别是选择的路上，更是不能有半分勉强。不能抒放出来的，憋下去的要么有一天会以某种形式爆炸，要么会雾霾成阴刻扭曲，终身郁郁心结难解。所以不管对自己、爱人或是他人，当有了探索体验的萌动时，放自己，放Ta去吧，这过程会印证未来昔日的人与路，究竟是不是最合适、心里最最渴望想要的。